I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
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