walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
