i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
