I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Randomize
