but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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