somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
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