Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
