id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
