Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
