That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
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