Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Randomize
