Will you blow on my dice?
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
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