Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Randomize
