Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
