I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
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I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
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Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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