Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Randomize
