Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
