Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
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