.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Randomize
