Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear