Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
My liver just broke up with me...
Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
21 Of The Most Impressive Things Ever Seen In Porn
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
19 Parents Had Epic Reactions When Catching Their Kids Being “Bad”
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a