I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
The 21 Worst Ways People Have Been Dumped
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
19 People Confess The Worst Things They Have Been Accused Of
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.