dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
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Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
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I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy