im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
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