Texts From Last Night

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  (310): View more from California

  I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.

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  (310): I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them. http://tfl.nu/3swr
  Replies (5) Good night (938) Bad night (997)
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  (209): View more from California

  Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?

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  (209): Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese? http://tfl.nu/1zro
  Replies (53) Good night (3534) Bad night (733)
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  (864): View more from South Carolina

  i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking

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  (864): i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking http://tfl.nu/q6i0
  Replies (17) Good night (4091) Bad night (1825)
• Favorite

  (904): View more from Florida

  5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.

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  (904): 5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal. http://tfl.nu/ja8n
  Replies (25) Good night (3042) Bad night (713)
• Favorite

  (612): View more from Minnesota

  three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.

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  (612): three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left. http://tfl.nu/3pzj
  Replies (9) Good night (7652) Bad night (825)
• Favorite

  (315): View more from New York

  Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.

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  (315): Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial. http://tfl.nu/jwzw
  Replies (20) Good night (1564) Bad night (7130)
• Favorite

  (303): View more from Colorado

  and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster

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  (303): and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster http://tfl.nu/9o1b
  Replies (14) Good night (1093) Bad night (4176)
• Favorite

  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem

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  (610): I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem http://tfl.nu/q0gs
  Replies (6) Good night (2252) Bad night (1310)
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  (518): View more from New York

  His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina

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  (518): His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina http://tfl.nu/49ay
  Replies (10) Good night (1299) Bad night (514)
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  (810): View more from Michigan

  Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.

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  (810): Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down. http://tfl.nu/7v0j
  Replies (7) Good night (1942) Bad night (607)
• Favorite

  (401): View more from Rhode Island

  Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly

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  (401): Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly http://tfl.nu/cjgf
  Replies (2) Good night (829) Bad night (509)
• Favorite

  (608): View more from Wisconsin

  I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"

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  (608): I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better" http://tfl.nu/176v
  Replies (10) Good night (1384) Bad night (468)
• Favorite

  (312): View more from Illinois

  It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.

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  (312): It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over. http://tfl.nu/eihc
  Replies (3) Good night (936) Bad night (397)
• Favorite

  (306): View more from Saskatchewan

  almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09

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  (306): almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09 http://tfl.nu/v4ok
  Replies (4) Good night (1120) Bad night (316)
• Favorite

  (774): View more from Massachusetts

  We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"

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  (774): We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole" http://tfl.nu/4a1v
  Replies (2) Good night (657) Bad night (251)

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