she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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