If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
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We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
he just fucked me for my cheese.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people