We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides