Texts From Last Night

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  (832): View more from Houston, Texas

  I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"

  (832): View more from Houston, Texas

  On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.

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  (832): I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots" (832): On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep. http://tfl.nu/g6me
  Replies (16) Good night (3175) Bad night (720)
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  (214): View more from Texas

  It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.

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  (214): It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire. http://tfl.nu/v2n0
  Replies (19) Good night (5450) Bad night (1497)
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  (530): View more from California

  i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry

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  (530): i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry http://tfl.nu/jhtm
  Replies (12) Good night (1298) Bad night (5721)
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  (978): View more from Massachusetts

  we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me

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  (978): we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me http://tfl.nu/ax47
  Replies (12) Good night (3222) Bad night (596)
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  (434): View more from Virginia

  you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"

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  (434): you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek" http://tfl.nu/8u1v
  Replies (10) Good night (3724) Bad night (961)
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  (845): View more from New York

  What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...

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  (845): What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank... http://tfl.nu/1rf9
  Replies (59) Good night (875) Bad night (5224)
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  (860): View more from Connecticut

  you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.

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  (860): you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you. http://tfl.nu/qv5y
  Replies (7) Good night (1172) Bad night (2480)
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  (845): View more from New York

  Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me

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  (845): Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me http://tfl.nu/lgfh
  Replies (9) Good night (3220) Bad night (944)
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  (503): View more from Oregon

  I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.

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  (503): I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight. http://tfl.nu/rrui
  Replies (8) Good night (2805) Bad night (796)
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  (519): View more from Ontario

  he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him

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  (519): he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him http://tfl.nu/dkoo
  Replies (3) Good night (1267) Bad night (673)
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  (570): View more from Pennsylvania

  Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!

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  (570): Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week! http://tfl.nu/bw5p
  Replies (11) Good night (2172) Bad night (621)
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  (970): View more from Colorado

  A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.

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  (970): A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is. http://tfl.nu/20fb
  Replies (2) Good night (1069) Bad night (616)
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  (269): View more from Michigan

  Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome

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  (269): Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome http://tfl.nu/saqv
  Replies (4) Good night (1387) Bad night (720)
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  (775): View more from Nevada

  My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.

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  (775): My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock. http://tfl.nu/3cuy
  Replies (10) Good night (1344) Bad night (398)
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  (765): View more from Indiana

  So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?

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  (765): So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell? http://tfl.nu/75pe
  Replies (4) Good night (254) Bad night (468)

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