Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
