Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
