I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
Randomize
