this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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