I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Randomize
