sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Randomize
