Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
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