my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
Acid is not a monday night drug
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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