i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
