He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
