Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Randomize
