Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
Randomize
