i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Randomize
