they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
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