As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Randomize
