Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
