Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
Randomize
