Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
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