He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize
