maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
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