Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Randomize
