i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Randomize
