Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
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LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
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I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
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