He asked to "fluff my boner.."
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
