this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
Randomize
