It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
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