the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Randomize
