He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize
