2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Randomize
