Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
