Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
That accounts for only three of the penises
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
Let's get the cat blown out
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Randomize
