first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Randomize
