Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
