TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
Green mimosas i think yes
Houston, we have a blender
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
