Plan B is the new Plan A
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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