I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Randomize
