The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
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