come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
me + whiskey = a bad person
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
