Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
