Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
