I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
