oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Randomize
