are you wasted or are you getting laid?
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wow
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
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