So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Such a big mess for such a small penis
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