i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
