I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
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