She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
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