3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
